I tell ya....this past couple of months have been a bit...unsettling/confusing?
Btwn BD and FJL... not to mention just tryin to provide what I can for my babes. I honestly feel like just driving into the water and just keep goin most of the time.
I honestly got the "DickBabyDaddy" in check. Well, as much as I"m able. I honestly can't stand that dude. The only reason I will have to deal with him for years to come is because we created twins... all because I didn't want to play slutty musical cock.
As for FJL...i think he has me beat on the tripped out/twisted back wards/broken spirit. I can unashamedly admit I love this hot mess of a man. I'm a hot mess myself... I'm 46 yrs old...yet for some reason, this man brings out the psycho....lovesick teenager in me. For some reason, he and I bring out the toxicity of ourselves. I ADORE this man. I hurt physically when we are at odds. Literally, act an ass. I mean let's be honest here.... I have 3 "baby daddies".. and a major heartbreak in btwn.. .. And I did not react/act out in the ways I have with FJL over any of them.... Like WtAf???
How is this man able bring out the ignant bish in me like that so easily... Where as with the others I just cut em down without any guilt???
I mean this dude will go hot and cold so damn quick you get whiplash!!! How is it that I am the female, yet...
Don't get me wrong....my inner psycho latina don't give a f#$K ghetto chick will pop out with a quickness. But Never before, was she awoken so quickly.
Why and how does this man affect me in this manner? The others I can literally look at them in the face and say what I have to say with a smile and no Fu#%ks given. Yet, this one, I lose it?
But when things are goin well...or even being in his presence after we've fought calms my spirit. Like my world is right as rain instantly. It's crazy how much this man affects me. I have a lot of "wtf" moments.
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