This past year has been one doozy of chaos, emotion, physical and mental turmoil. In all honesty, I wasn't sure I'd still be standing. I have to admit that I was so hurt and down, I wanted to just give up.
It has only occurred to me these past few weeks, that I am no longer feeling that deep seated, heavy heartache. I still get lonely. But that's because I am still self isolating and haven't attempted to socialize again. I had to sit and think obout how/when did this begin. When did I go from the crying, heavy heartache to being "ok". I can't remember the exact moment or time, but I do know it came about because one particular night, I was in my feelings regarding "him"...and I decided to read through our FB msgs and text messages. I began to get angry. Reading and realizing how he had me up and down through out the ENTIRE relationship. I had somehow fooled myself into believing it was awesome/good at one time. But, in reality...it was only "good" the 1st 3 months.
It was emotionally and mentally abusive and escalated into a physically abusive relationship. I learned that he is Narcissist. I truly believed if I could just keep loving him and showing him and proving myself things would work out. I now know that was NEVER going to happen. I had read through our messages and texts before, but I always cried and missed him and still racked my brain as to HOW TO FIX US. That particular evening.....I got angry. At him and myself.
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