I swear...I must be flat out garbage!!! My Karma must be horrendous!! I say this because the mess of my Life is NEVERENDING!!!.. No relief/reprieve in sight. Now, not only dealing with my depression, physical pain/seizures and loneliness...CPS has entered into the equation as well. I am trully FU**ED!!! I'm struggling with my mental/financially and emotionally. I want to give up completely!!! I mean, seriously...what's the point of fighting to drag myself out of this funk and helplessness now??? It seems crystal clear, I am on the losing end no matter what I do anymore. My body has betrayed me. I am constantly in pain. I'm ashamed to admit, there are days, I struggle to even tend to my personal hygiene. I literally spend days in bed. It's painful just to readjust myself in bed, let alone physically remove myself from the bed. I don't socialize. I've isolated myself to the point I have noone to reach out to. I am able to be a sounding board and comfort to others...but I have no way to "help myself. I don't feel I'm even worthy of any understanding or comfort. I am ugly physically. I do get lonely...but...I can't ever seem to get myself up and out. I am not someone worthy of love or even desirable in any way. I have nothing to offer anyone. I get ghosted constantly. i am wary of everyone...and when I do eventually open myself...I end up being used. I'm "good enough" for a "romp", "sex"...but never good enough to be wanted. I am pursued and once I do "give in"...I'm thrown away again. I guess Frank was right....I'm trash/whore.. I haven't seen my son physically in 3 yrs. Every step forward I make, I am thrown 3 steps back again... I give up. I have no fight in me any longer.
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