I guess it is time for acceptance...It's time to stop fooling myself and holding out for something that is NEVER GONNA HAPPEN...
I mean, seriously... how many times do I need to be told that I am not wanted? That I am NOT worth any effort on their part? That no matter how much effort and love I pour....it will NEVER matter or make a difference. Now, I just have to convince this stupid heart of mine to accept it. Now, I have to program myself ... or should I say... reprogram myself... to give up. I failed .... AGAIN....
I ALWAYS FAIL.... so I don't even get why I have continued to try. It will ALWAYS be either... only wanted for sex or not at all.
It's my own fault. I have set myself up to be hurt. Seems even after all these years, I have learned NOTHING.
I give up. I will no longer attempt to leave this realm being/ or having had Love or someone who will ever love me back. I'm tired. Don't get me wrong...I may seem/be in the "po-po me" mentality right now, but...I know now what I have to do. And even though it doesn't seem or feel like it right now... I'm ok with it. Deep down, I already knew it. I was just fooling myself. I fought so hard for someone who had no intention of sticking around. Even though, his texts to me say otherwise.. I need to convince myself it was all lies. He constantly calls ME the liar...but..I see now, it was just him deflecting.
it is Done.
Ya es cavo...
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