Am I the only that has or is feeling like you are just a blob? Like no clue as to why you exist? Especially, as you reflect on all the years you've been upright on this realm?... It sucks when you start thinking/remembering...no reminiscing. REMEMBERING...THINKING...about EVERYTHING you remember. Some of the things seem dreamlike, but family has confirmed what shared is a REAL memory..even though I was literally an infant/toddler..
Things you DO NOT want to remember. Things you hoped were just nightmares and not actually memories. Don't get me wrong, I'm not gonna sit here, playing the victim/po-po me.. (fine.....maybe a lil bit...'Cuz I'm in my feelings)
Some of these things pertain to things I've witnessed when I was 3-8 yrs old. Things I've had to endure til I was 14. The acknowledgement, that, in a lot of ways,...folks/family still try their best to mentally, emotionally cripple me. Yea...folks....I AM AWARE OF MY AGE.. YES, I KNOW, I SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWING MYSELF TO BE FEELING WHAT i FEEL...
However, I ask you humbly/respectfully to not laugh or dismiss me.
But at this moment, I don't want to talk about irrational, immature/ teenage feelings of 48 year B.S.C. Old Lady. Yesssssssss....I'm still in my feelings in regard to this "romance that doesn't want me". But, my son has also been heavy on my heart. I miss him so much. I haven't physically seen hm in 2 years. I'm one of those weird Momma's that kisses the palms of her babies hands, sniffs their necks, constantly telling my children I love them no matter what. Hug them every chance I get and pull pranks just as much as I can get away with...Hanging out with my son, braiding his hair, having YouTube Karaoke/dancing session. I miss my Man-child so much. I haven't had a video visit with him since January. I found out one of the defendants in his case is now in the same facility as him. I brought it up to the warden...Yet even though my son has been at that unit for over 2 years, they chose to place my son in isolation instead of the other guy. Now, my son is worried once again about what's being said. The "mastermind and oldest -28" in the case only received 12 years. That individual attempted to put the "snitch" label on my son..saying he should have gotten more than 50, so he must have "'talked"....Well folks, I'm the Mommy that watches ALL parties involved. My son's court paperwork, is the ONLY one out of the 4 to NOT have any motions submitted by the attorneys that did NOT have ANY motions requesting suppression of anything. All of them had multiple suppression motions submitted by their attorneys...and ALL 3 of them received SIGNIFICANTLY LOWER SENTENCING.
------SO TELL ME WHO THE SNITCH REALLY IS?---- LEMME GIVE YOU A HINT.....THE 28 YEAR OLD WAS THE ONLY ONE OUT ON BOND FOR THE 2 YEARS BEFORE JUDGEMENT. HE IS ALSO THE ONE THAT RECEIVED 12 YRS. THE OTHER 2 RECEIVED 20 & 25. MY SON RECEIVED 50. ALL 3 OF THE OTHER GUYS HAD PRIOR VIOLENT CRIMINAL HISTORY.... IN FACT, THE YOUNGEST THAT WAS APPREHENDED 1ST...SPILLED EVERYTHING 1ST. IN FACT, THE POLICE WEREN'T EVEN LOOKING AT THEM FOR THE CRIME..THEY WERE CANVASING HIM ABOUT ANOTHER WHOLE CASE.
THEY SWEAR MY 5'5" BUCK 25 KID GOT THE JUMP ON 2 PROFESSIONAL GUNMEN, IN THEIR OWN SHOP ALL BY HIS LONESOME? HE INTIMIDATED THESE SEASONED MEN BY HIMSELF?...NAH...
DON'T GET ME WRONG...I AM NOT THAT MOM THAT SAYS...:" NOT MY BABY?...OH HE'S COMPLETELY INNOCENT" "HE COULD NEVER" , "YADA YADA YADA".... I MAY NOT ACCEPT THAT HE DID WHAT THEY SAY HE DID BY HIMSELF....BUT, I ALSO KNOW MY SON NEEDS TO ATONE FOR HIS PART IN THIS MISERY.
IT FLAT OUT DOESN'T ADD UP. THERE IS SO MUCH NONSENSE ABOUT THIS CASE. I AM NOT WANTING OR ATTEMPTING TO EXONERATE MY SON COMPLETELY...FABRICATING COMPLETE INNOCENCE. HE WAS THERE. THERE IS NO GETTING PAST THAT PART. SO HE HAS TO PAY HIS DUES TO SOCIETY. I WILL GO INTO FURTHER DETAIL IN ANOTHER POST ABOUT THE CASE LATER THIS WEEK.
I'M JUST AFRAID. I HAVE A FEELING OF FOREBODING IN MY CHEST. HE HASN'T EVEN BEEN TO STORE AND I FILLED HIM UP COMPLETELY. HE IS UPSET WITH ME FOR BRINGING UP THE OTHER GUY TO THE GUARD/WARDEN. HE FEELS LIKE THEY ARE LOOKING AT HIM AS THE SNITCH. AND THAT WORRIES ME TOO. I WAS JUST CONCERNED. HE HAS BEEN DOING SO WELL. AND I WAS AFRAID HE'D WILD-OUT IF HE CAME FACE TO FACE WITH THAT DUDE. HE HAS BEEN DOING WELL. MY SON WAS 22YRS OLD WHEN HE PARTICIPATED IN THIS. NO, HE WASN'T THE YOUNGEST....BUT HE DID NOT HAVE ANY VIOLENT CRIMINAL HISTORY. THE YOUNGEST...(1ST ONE CAUGHT....SQUEALED)...EVEN HAD A SEALED JUVENILE RECORD AS WELL AS RECENT VIOLENT HISTORY. YET, MY SON HAS AND IS BEING TREATED AS THE MONSTER. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT Y'ALL...BUT I'M "PRO-CANNABIS"... AND THE HONEST TRUTH IS IF YOU LOOK UP MY SON... HIS FIRST OFFENSE IS LITERALLY "FAILURE TO APPEAR TO SCHOOL" AFTER THAT 2 FOR POSSESSION OF 2oz OF MARIJUANA...THAT'S IT...THE OTHER GUYS...HAVE B & E'S, BATTERY, STALKING, ETC.
I THINK I'MMA GONNA HAVE TO DO WHAT I DID WHEN MY SON WAS STILL IN COUNTY AND THAT 28 YR OLD WAS FINALLY MADE TO BE ADMITTED INTO COUNTY/GEN-POP.... I'M GONNA SEND THE COURT MOTIONS FOR ALL OF THEM...SO IF HE IS CONFRONTED/ASKED...HE HAS PROOF ...HE AIN'T THE SNITCH. I FEEL HORRIBLE THAT I PUT HIM IN THAT POSITION ALL BECAUSE OF MY CRAZY MOMMA EMOTIONS. I WAS TRYING TO PROTECT MY SON FROM BEING PUT IN A POSITION OF NOT BEING ABLE TO KEEP HIS ANGER IN CHECK. AND INSTEAD, THEY PUT HIM PROTECTIVE CUSTODY.
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